I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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