i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
