so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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