Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
