I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
