Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
