I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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