well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
