It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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