Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Houston, we have a blender
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
