Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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