You smell like stripper and shame
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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