just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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