Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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