she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
