I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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