oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
