she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
