I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
