Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
