ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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