Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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