You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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