Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
