just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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