I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
