at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
