East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
