i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
