Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize