Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
