Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
