Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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