lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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