And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
