i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
