We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
