Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
