He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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