You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
