I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
