Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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