at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
