I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
