I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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