ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
