i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
