we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
whose parrot is this?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
