FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
