Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
