he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
