After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
