Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
