Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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