She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
