Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
