My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
