Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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