How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
