She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
